For those of us caring for our children who are suffering from OCD, our days can be filled with frustration, anger, sadness, to joy. The emotions we feel through the day can swing like a pendulum. We ask constantly what can I do to help my child, what can I do to relieve their pain, to What did I do to cause this? Let me say first and foremost you did nothing to cause this in your child. The mind is a very delicate and confusing wired organ. I believe we all have a form of OCD to an extent, if you stop and look at yourself you can find one thing that just drives you nuts, it is just gross, or if it isn’t done a certain way it just isn’t right. As I look at myself I can count the times that OCD as even affected me on a daily basis. Depending on each person our reactions to this OCD is different. Some just fix the problem and go on with their days, others, may have rituals, from hand washing, to counting trying to make the Obsession better. Why a person reacts the way they do, is complex and a big part of figuring this picture out.
Treatments for OCD can vary from psychologist to psychologist. I know I have talked in a post here about Talking Back To OCD. Some will try diet to treat OCD, while others will use an approach of making the person face their obsessions in an attempt to help them see it is nothing to obsess over. No single treatment is right for every single person. My advice is to go into all treatment with an open mind but also be skeptical, if you are not sure you like what you are seeing do not be afraid to speak up, ask questions or seek a second opinion.
So what have we done? I can not and will not say that our travels with OCD is cured or healed or great, rosy or non bothersome! However, we for the most part understand the triggers now, we understand and know what to expect, the reaction, or the compulsion. We also know before hand from how anxious our daughter is. We do a lot of talking about feelings, she has been able to move from physically becoming ill, to expressing her feelings. We talk about normal and non normal feelings. We try very hard to put into perspective for her that what she might be feeling is a normal feeling. We have even made up words to express our feelings, because with OCD sometimes what they are feeling are numerous feelings at one time. One of our favorite words is nervousanxious, this will be used to express how she feels about trying something new. We always let her know that this is a normal feeling for all of us. It is normal to feel anxious as well as nervous over certain things.
We also refuse to let OCD run our lives. We have very strict rules about things. Sometimes we might ask her to do something that will cause anxiety we realize OCD might take over. At the first sign of argument or her defying what we want, instead of putting her into time out, we put ourselves in time out. We refuse to talk to her, look at her, or listen to her until she calms herself down and does what we expect. Many times she will come out of these periods with hugs, kisses and an acknowledgement that she is the one that deserved the time out. Just because this works for us it doesn’t mean it will work for you, but it is something to think about. Sometimes how we react to their reaction can make it better or worse.
I am sure you all have wondered how do we educate others about our children? How do we get them to understand their OCD? I go into every meeting with a new health care provider, with as much information I can give them from the get go. If I do not feel they are getting it, I go back into the discussion again. Most of what I say is with my child hearing. I might have to make several phone calls, some providers get it and some don’t, those who don’t we just leave and search someone who will. It is wearing and sometimes makes you feel very tired, but I am a firm believer that anyone who provides care for my child better understand and except nobody knows her better then me. I have high expectations of providers, and will only tolerate so many mistakes.
Remember OCD is anxiety driven. We all have felt anxiety, some worse then others, we just need to remember these are children we are dealing with, they are not going to or should they be expected to know how to deal with such intense anxiety. We need to model for them, do yoga with them, breath with them, let them talk, listen and never forget to ask, how do you feel?
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