A Tiny Taste of Therapy

After I met with Sunshine’s Psychologist, we determined that when we first started we pushed too much at her at one time. Upon her first visit with him he spent almost an entire hour with her one on one, playing games and talking. His first and foremost rule for the child is that if they need their parent at anytime they just need to say so. For Sunshine though this would have meant a weakness to ask for me, so instead of speaking up she endured the panic attack that she was going through. Upon our second visit which was with Papa, myself and her, she was in a panic attack even before we went into his office. When he didn’t pick up on what was truly going on he suggested some ideas to use here in the home that actually made her anxieties worse. She began to do things that made us believe she was truly trying to tell us how she felt. Let’s just say it was not a pretty few days in our home, she was angry, trying to get us to listen to her nonverbal cues, and not understanding why we were not catching on.

Now we feel we have a system in place which will allow us to take smaller steps with her, move a little slower while exposing her to these things that cause such anxieties for her, but most important a way to communicate her feelings so we can then come and talk about them in a more appropriate manner. One of the first things we did was have Sunshine create her own Feelings Chart. She came up with the design and decided what colors would represent the different feelings on her own. All I did was draw the circles for her.

The larger the circle the more intense the feeling is. We also decided that it is alright for her to feel more then one feeling at a time. Does she use it, oh yes you bet she does, it is nothing for her to go directly to it and let you know how she is feeling.

The other part was to have Sunshine respond to our requests with only one verbal cue from us. She must respond the first time we ask her to stop doing something or to do something. If she doesn’t there are no chances to respond, she looses a privilege. These privileges can be anything from loosing a toy she might be playing inappropriately with to her TV or Computer time. She has to have a consequence of some sort. Then she has the right to earn her privileges back. We  brainstormed on how this would look. While the Psychologist gave me several ideas, I again wanted it to be something that Sunshine worked on with me.

We chose to use all the bottle caps we have saved for math over the years. When she responds the first time we ask of her she earns a bottle cap which she picks out and places in the pretty jar with the purple lid. When she has earned 5 bottle caps she then receives the privilege back. For instance right now she is trying to earn a couple of toys, her TV time and her Computer time back. We get to choose what she will earn back. She understands that just because she earns 5 caps does not necessarily mean she will get back what she wants, but what we choose to allow her to have. She is thrilled right now because she only has one more to earn to reap her reward. It is our hope that as we move on she will lose less privileges, and be able to earn things like craft kits, small toys, and books. Over time this will become a habit of responding when first asked and we will no longer need this tool to help her.

Our visits will change now with the Psychologist to be a family session where we will be able to talk about the things Sunshine is feeling anxious over or what bothers her. She will still have the opportunity to spend 5 to 10 minutes with him alone to play a fun game and build from there the amount of time she is able to tolerate. It is important that she is pushed to some point to do the things that causes anxieties but we do not want to push to hard to the point of panic attacks. 

Other Tips When Looking at Specialists

We met with Selena’s Psychologist last week to go over the numerous questionnaires we all had to fill out. The results were truly what we expected with Anxiety Disorders the main source of her problems. She was very different in his office from the calm we seen in the waiting room. We mentioned several times that her anxiety was high but the Psychologist misinterpreted her behaviors as not having the attention. He gave us a few things to try here at home to help her through the calming process.

We fully expected her to reject some of these things at first and that their would be other behavioral issues we would see. What we got though was not what any of us expected. I called and made an appointment for just him and I to meet. The morning of that appointment Selena was pretty anxious even though she was not going with me. She finally admitted to having panic attacks or in her words “Funny feelings in her heart.”

Her psychologist felt horrible that he had not picked up on how bad her anxieties truly are and misread her behaviors. He literally grabbed the information about the other psychologists there in the office. We could switch if we wanted to. Of course that was not something I wanted to do so I asked him to put the information back on his desk and just talk with me first. As we talked and I shared more about what behaviors we had seen, and about her panic attacks, he realized I was not in there as a mom under attack mode but more of a mom just saying you need to understand her more, listen to us more, and we need a new direction.

I can’t emphasize enough when ever you are looking for a specialist for your child first do your homework. You need someone who is going to be willing to say I am  human and do make mistakes, but we can still change. To often specialists just take the attitude that they know it all, but remember not any one  method will work for everybody especially when your dealing with a child.

Find someone who wants a relationship with you the parent, while their main job is to help the child, who knows that child better then anyone else…you the parent. They should always make time to listen, talk, and brainstorm with you the parent the options that will best fit the needs of your child.

We are glad that we took the extra time to meet one on one with our psychologist to discuss our concerns especially when we truly did not feel he was perceiving the whole picture of who Sunshine is and how she ticks.

My next posts will be on what we are doing, how they are or are not working. Just consider this as the beginning to a new life for Sunshine. 

Finding the Calm in the Storm

We were encouraged by the psychologist to try several different things to help Selena calm down when she her anxieties are running out of control. He suggested things like playing with play dough, card or board games, reading, or anything else we could engage her in. We have also started a journal of sorts of our days to log her anxieties and OCD as well to the activity that brings her calm.

All of us are aware of those with OCD and how they use numbers or counting as an attempt to combat what the OCD is telling them. For example they will have to wash their hands so many times, go in and out of a door so many times, or count to a certain number. Many will avoid numbers seen as bad luck, others will have certain numbers that are good luck. All of this becomes very exhausting for the person as they attempt to find a calm.

This past week we have tried several things with Selena to find things that will calm her down. We have also found many things that just do not work. We tried the play dough, but that had a minimum to no affect for her. We tried coloring again with a minimum to no affect. Reading does help so long as it isn’t a book that contains something in it that sets off her OCD. Here are the things we are finding that have proven to be where she finds the most calm.

A nature walk followed by a craft:

A game of checkers or tic-tac toe, I guess the process of strategy draws her away from the anxiety.

Mental math, or the use of manipulates to revisit or learn a new concept.

We still want to try painting, different card games, as well as to listen to Selena’s ideas.

We will keep you updated and posted on the techniques we discover and learn that Selena is incorporating into her routine to calm the storm.

Choosing a Psychologist and Our First Visits

When I began my search for a psychologist to work with Sunshine, I of course did a lot of research before selecting just one. I expected certain credentials as well as expertise in working with the areas we were concerned with. I wanted someone who would be experienced in all aspects and who would pick up on things that we might not be picking up on. With that said I found a psychologist who not only brought to the table the things I was looking for but also who was experienced in  many areas of a child’s development. Yes, what you see in the picture below is just what you get, a man who is kind, gentle, caring, and who takes his job very serious. He not only knows how to communicate with children, but has very good communication skills with the parents. I love the way his tone can go from the adult to the child in the matter of the same sentence, so that he is not only talking to the adult but also bringing the child into the discussion to confirm to them that they need to hear too. I admit at times it was confusing for me and I had to really watch his eye contact to make sure he was indeed talking to me, and not to Selena. Though I know she didn’t miss a beat in the discussion and came home able to tell me exactly why she is seeing this psychologist.

Meet Dr. David Callies and read about his experience:

His focus at Madigan was on the treatment of children and adolescents with emotional and behavioral problems, attention problems, anxiety, problems adjusting to life circumstances, depression, developmental delays, pervasive developmental disorders like Autism and Asperger’s Disorder, deployment-related problems and youth with chronic medical conditions and illnesses.

As the Chief of Child & Family Services at Madigan he provided outreach services and training on child resiliency to service members. In addition, Dr. Callies routinely collaborated with Developmental-Behavioral Pediatricians in the treatment of pervasive developmental disorders and was the lead psychologist in the Diabetes and Hematology & Oncology clinics at Madigan to meet the psychological needs of children with Diabetes, various cancers and other medical conditions.

While he is no longer at Madigan and has joined Gyro Psychology, he continues to strive in the health of a child. He also does a lot of work in the schools, educating staff, parents, and assisting with the children in his care, though he does not work in our school district.

I can’t emphasize enough the importance of seeking whoever you feel will be the best for your child. Don’t just rely upon who your Pediatrician recommends, who the school recommends, but do your homework, ask around and visit virtual websites to learn more. It is OK to disagree with your Pediatrician and schools and to seek outside treatment based upon what you feel is best for your child.

The very first visit was without Sunshine. Dr. Callies and I sat down and we discussed why we were seeking assistance. We also discussed what services he provides as well as to his techniques and views of what therapy should look like. He then sent me home with questionnaires for myself, Papa, and Sunshine.

Our second visit was for Sunshine to meet Dr. Callies, and to learn why she was there. He explained this to her while I was in the room stressing that Mom loved her very much, and acknowledges all her strengths including how smart she is, but that mom sees times of too much stress and worry which cause her to break the rules, and act out inappropriately. He then turned to her and told her that she was there to learn to understand this stress and worry and to learn how to make better choices when dealing with these things. At this point he asked Sunshine if it would be OK for Mom to leave the room reassuring her that Mom would be in the waiting room. He even told her that she could come and see Mom at anytime she needed to. She had a hard time letting me go, but gave me a big hug for reassurance and a huge kiss. She did have to come out and check on my one time during their visit. They played card games, worked puzzles and visited the entire time. I was brought back into the room at the end to go over his observations.

He complimented Sunshine on her communication skills, her attention to detail, and while he noticed her fine motor skills were a little behind, nothing out of the range for a child her age. No surprises there. He did get a good look at her photogenic memory when she asked to do one of the puzzles again, he was trying to show me how they broke it into 4 sections. Half way through his explanation she already had the puzzle put together and was ready tear it apart and restack the pieces back in the box ever so neatly.

From here now we begin to map out or journal her days, the times we see her OCD and stress, what we see as the trigger if we can pin point it. We will also begin to put some things together in our home for her to do during these times that will hopefully help her to calm down. A play dough area, a coloring area, reading area, and limited computer time. He really wants to see us get her a tablet, something that is more mobile then a computer so long as her time on it is limited.

On a side note his view on the public school down here was not the best. His opinion definitely matched ours in that they handled the situations of Sunshine very inappropriately. He said we did the right thing in bringing her home. I know for us should we choose to ever look at Public school again we will be prepared to pack up and move to an area where we have more options. We doubt we will ever put her back into the district here.

OCD and Behavioral Issues

Many of us can relate to the rituals of OCD, we understand when someone does something such as wash their hands over and over again, or sorts objects by color and shape, going in and out of door so many times, but we do not understand how OCD in a small child can actually appear as behavioral issues. When we see a child throwing themselves, especially at the age of 6 or older down on the ground or floor in a raging fit, being defiant or disrespectful to adults, or even being rude we call them brats, out of control, label them with ADHD, and blame the parents. As it was explained to me by our Psychologist, because the young child is not able to understand or process the ideas and feelings of OCD they really do not know how to react, so yes many times it will appear in behavioral issues. I found this great article which helped me to understand what the Psychologist was explaining to me.

This is the road we have been down for the past couple of years, at first it seemed like an age appropriate fit here or there, but over time it became a cycle of out of control rage, melt downs, and defiance. We could see Sunshine’s desire to avoid situations that caused these tantrums, but at other times her desire to participate or be a part of everything was so great that she would end up in a total mess. We didn’t understand how she could want to go do something so bad, only to come home in such a rage.

School has even been a disaster for her. She has made it 2 days and now wants to avoid the school. Her first day she went off with such excitement and ready to discover new friends. Once there though she became very obsessed with the security screen in the corner of the room that flashed different areas of the school grounds, to the flushing of the toilet. Only being 6 she didn’t really know how to process all this stimuli so she lost her focus, couldn’t follow the rules, didn’t want to return to class after recess. On the second day, which from my understanding the morning went much better, but early afternoon they had a walk through fire drill in preparation for the real fire drill the next day. She obsessed over the idea that they were going to turn the fire alarm on. She absolutely refused to return back into the classroom, and climbed up to the top of the play ground equipment and sat there with a red ball in her arms. I got a call and had to go to the school to see if I could help calm her down. I truly thought she was calm and would return to her class so I cam  home. Upon my arrival to pick her up, I was told that Sunshine really never did return to the classroom, she took 2 recesses, then needed a band aid from the school nurse, then her final stop was to have a nice friendly chat with the Principal. We had already chose to keep her home the day of the real fire drill. 

Not only was the school seeing such extreme behaviors we were seeing horrible behaviors here at home. Sunshine was coloring and painting all her pictures in black, she was defying everything we asked of her, crying, whining, and even throwing tantrums. I was able to communicate with the teacher via email and got a schedule for what they would be working on for September. We were pretty surprised to find that every Friday throughout the month would comprise of a drill, from the fire drill, to an earthquake drill, then ending in a lock down drill. We looked at each other and realized if Sunshine had to endure all these drills along with all the other things that was upsetting her she might not ever enter a building again. The lock down drill really was the one that sent reality home for us that maybe she wasn’t ready for school, since as is she is so afraid of Papa getting locked in jail that she has to get up and see him off to work every morning, (this is due to where he works and not due to him being a bad person.) The teacher also sent  me the monthly learning goals, which seemed very low and left me to wonder if the teacher actually realized she was teaching first grade and not kindergarten.

We finally made the decision to get back on track, homeschool Sunshine, and get her therapy going. Maybe someday she will be ready to go to the public school, and maybe she never will. That at this point really doesn’t matter since what truly matters is getting her the assistance she needs to have a quality life, and of course we desire to give her a quality education. Once the decision was made Sunshine was over joyed, the behaviors faded away, she sat for an hour and painted a beautiful picture with all bright happy colors. She is sporting a smile and looking forward to returning to our school books.

We start her therapy this Thursday and we are looking forward to learning as much as we can. Here is a peak into the psychologists office where she will be going. At the bottom of the page you will find some very fun and interesting facts about parenting, children in general, and mental health issues. You can also get a look at Sunshine’s therapist here, I chose this person based upon his experience, recommendations, and after my first meeting with him, I believe we really do have someone who will get Sunshine and know how to help her.

Technorati Tags: OCD,Behaviors,School

How Giftedness Can Feed OCD

I have hopped around the blog world long enough to question why some early readers will pick up and read just about any book on the shelf, they either like it or they get engrossed and can’t put it down. I know Sunshine is very picky over what she will read and many times questioned if she really enjoyed reading. We have watched as Sunshine has played out characters in her books or even in a simple cartoon. We learned the hard way to not buy her anything that is a character figure or stuffed animal representing a book or cartoon, because it over takes every aspect of her day, and is so real like that one would think something is truly wrong with this child.

When I met with the psychologist he explained that a highly intelligent child such as Sunshine will become so much apart of the books she reads or the cartoons she watches that she can truly taste the foods in the book, smell the smells, and feel the textures all with in their minds. The book or cartoon absorbs them right into that world. That now opened a whole new understanding for me as to why some book titles attract Sunshine while some seem so disgusting to her that she appears as though she will get ill. It also explained why some books, one or two pages through Sunshine would beg and run from while others she wanted read over and over again.

The other night in our chapter book reading quest we chose a Little House on the Prairie Book, these books have been a hit and miss with Sunshine, but she pulled out On the Banks of Plum Creek and brought it to me. As we began to read the first chapter really drew her in, she was very curious as to what this door was in the ground. As we continued on into the second chapter and got to the description of the dugout, the house in the ground, her disposition changed. I could actually see where it seemed as though Sunshine was smelling that dirt house, and then when we got to the part that said the roof was made of hay, she took the book, closed it and announced, “That is quite enough of this book, put it away now!” Could you imagine having OCD and just having the thought of living in a primitive house made of dirt, sod and hay. Oh my goodness Sunshine’s OCD was running away with her.

This new information that I learned in one visit from the psychologist has now opened up a whole new understanding for me. I use to be so confused over why Sunshine protested over some books but preferred other books even though they might be on the same subject. While I want to assist her in making choices of what she reads, I also now know that I must step back and allow her to have so much more control over the books she picks out. This also put a whole new definition on the term “I am so absorbed in the book and can’t put it down.” There truly can be a time when one is pulled in and becomes too absorbed in a book and it isn’t always in a pleasant manner. 

Technorati Tags: Gifted,OCD

When Your Child’s OCD Affects Your Own OCD

First let’s look at OCD, as I shared in my last post OCD starts with a unnecessary or unrealistic fear. We all fear things like germs, or the unknown, but OCD has an unrealistic fear that manifests itself into obsessive thoughts. It is one thing to say, “Wow so and so has the flu, I will stay away to make sure I don’t get the flu too, or I will make sure and disinfect to kill the flu germs.” With OCD though there are no getting rid of the germs, they just stay there, the fear of catching that flu becomes so strong that no matter how many times we disinfect or wash our hands the germs are too much for us to handle. This obsession then brings on anxiety, now we have all experienced anxiety, the funny feeling of butterflies before a new event, or the flutter feeling in the chest before a big test, but with OCD the anxiety becomes so real and so strong one feels they can not breath, they can not dismiss the thoughts, the feelings, sometimes it can make you sick to your stomach, give you a severe headache, or just make you want to run away and hide. In an attempt to get rid of these feelings of anxieties and obsessions of fears, we then cycle into the compulsion stage. Some will have to wash their hands so many times to only turn around and rewash them again. Others will have the compulsion to clean, then clean again. Some compulsions show in the way we organize colors, items, or the tapping of our fingers on a table to the kicking of our leg while we sit in a chair. For some like Sunshine, the compulsions interfere with the way she is able to interact with others, creating what seems like behavioral issues, because the obsessions and anxieties are so strong she is unable to process the normal demands on herself. She doesn’t mean to misbehave, she just doesn’t know how to shut the obsessions and anxiety off so that she can obey the rules.

Now onto my title, while I have had my OCD in check and in control for several years, there are times when Sunshine’s OCD interferes with my ability to control mine. A great example to this happened just last night. Yesterday at school Sunshine had to do a walk through for the upcoming fire drill which was suppose to take place today with the fire alarm and all. The idea of a fire drill made he obsess over what the real fire drill would be like with that alarm going off, then the anxiety set in and she took off to the play ground equipment with a red ball in hand. The school staff could not get her to come down, she had found what she considered a safe zone. She was determined to not go back in the building out of fear they would set the fire alarm off. I had to go to the school, the minute Sunshine spotted me, she knew she was safe, but in one last attempt to calm herself down she ran all the way around the entire school until she finally entered the classroom. The final plan we came up with was that I would go to school the next day and stay with her until the fire drill was over. OK I was fine with that no problem.

Come bedtime, my obsessions started in, my thoughts went through so many details of the fire drill and how it would affect Sunshine. It even brought back all the horrible memories I have of the drills during the cold war era where we would be lined up and led to the top of the basement stairs to be informed if this was not a drill we would proceed down stairs into the fallout shelter where there was food and water. We would stay there until we were told it was safe to come out. I don’t know of any of us first graders who didn’t start screaming and crying for our parents at this point. I found myself obsessing over every aspect of this upcoming fire drill and the affects it would have on Sunshine, with great anxiety I could not sleep. I kept waking every hour, looking at the time, tossing and turning, getting out of bed, walking outside, climbing back in bed only to have it start all over. I finally made up my mind that she had been through enough in the last few days and shut off my alarm. Just shutting off the alarm gave me enough relief to go to sleep.

I still could not shake it the next morning, Sunshine was still very concerned, but trying to be brave she said she would go through the fire drill but would come home with me right after. We decided it was too much to soon and called a sick day from school. Ironically though because of the rain we had received and everything being wet, they cancelled the fire drill. Sunshine is still watching the window waiting to see from a distance what the fire drill looks like and though now I am calmed down, I am wondering when they will reschedule the drill for. I have made up my mind to find out and no matter what she will watch the drill from a distance until she is ready to actually go through the fire drill for real. Good thing we live in a house where she can over look, observe from a safe distance and not have to endure the loud noise of the alarm.

Why Me?

I have decided to start this blog to share and educate others about OCD and Anxiety Disorders in children. I have a 6 year old, very bright young lady to whom we will call Sunshine. When did OCD strike her? That is a hard question to answer. I believe there were signs of this monster in her life from day one, from the time she was born, but at that time it was considered more of a sensory issue. It came on quick, we did not understand it at first, and it took us two years to fully put the picture together.

Now let me step back for a moment and tell you my story. At 6 years old I climbed into bed one night and drifted off to sleep. What was to come next impacted me for the rest of my life. I drifted off to sleep only to have my world become over taken by this beast or beasts. I loved car races, and had a race car set that I loved. I suddenly was transported to a real race track, where I sat in the ultimate best race car marked with the number 1. A few laps into the race and I was leading the pack. The race continued, except suddenly I was not alone, though as I looked around I was the only one in the car, but the voices I heard told me that my goal was to win the race, but in winning the race would bring great harm to my family, to lose the race would bring even greater harm to those I held dearly. I couldn’t wake up, the dream went on to the end of the race where yes, I won the race. I finally woke screaming in the early night. My brother came running and hit the bathroom light which was located across the hall from my bedroom, he asked me what was wrong in a panicked tone. All I could tell him, was “The Light, The Light!” which I repeated over and over again. My brother tried to reason with me, but there is no reasoning with OCD or the monster. From that moment on my childhood changed forever. I didn’t lose my drive to finish the race, to finish in first place, or to do my very best at all times, but my world became consumed by this monster that reminded me that by doing so I would bring harm to my family, and to not press forward to be on top would bring even greater harm to those I loved dearly. OCD was the Monster!

Now back to now, when did this Monster enter Sunshine’s life, how did he speak to her, what did he say? these are questions I may never have answers to or she may over time be able to share her story and share what this Monster told her, and continues to tell her daily. In the meantime I am writing about our journey seeking healing, understanding and tools that Sunshine can use to manage or chase this Monster away. Something I didn’t have when I was her age, something that I wish was more understanding about when I was her age instead I was just considered a shy, sacredly cat, little girl, to which no one really even knew or tried to understand the struggles within my brain. 

I will share one sight that has given me the most understanding and the laid the foundation to understand Sunshine and actually be able to relate her experiences with mine. You can find it here. Remember to stay tuned as I return with more information and share more of Sunshine’s story.