When Your Child’s OCD Affects Your Own OCD

First let’s look at OCD, as I shared in my last post OCD starts with a unnecessary or unrealistic fear. We all fear things like germs, or the unknown, but OCD has an unrealistic fear that manifests itself into obsessive thoughts. It is one thing to say, “Wow so and so has the flu, I will stay away to make sure I don’t get the flu too, or I will make sure and disinfect to kill the flu germs.” With OCD though there are no getting rid of the germs, they just stay there, the fear of catching that flu becomes so strong that no matter how many times we disinfect or wash our hands the germs are too much for us to handle. This obsession then brings on anxiety, now we have all experienced anxiety, the funny feeling of butterflies before a new event, or the flutter feeling in the chest before a big test, but with OCD the anxiety becomes so real and so strong one feels they can not breath, they can not dismiss the thoughts, the feelings, sometimes it can make you sick to your stomach, give you a severe headache, or just make you want to run away and hide. In an attempt to get rid of these feelings of anxieties and obsessions of fears, we then cycle into the compulsion stage. Some will have to wash their hands so many times to only turn around and rewash them again. Others will have the compulsion to clean, then clean again. Some compulsions show in the way we organize colors, items, or the tapping of our fingers on a table to the kicking of our leg while we sit in a chair. For some like Sunshine, the compulsions interfere with the way she is able to interact with others, creating what seems like behavioral issues, because the obsessions and anxieties are so strong she is unable to process the normal demands on herself. She doesn’t mean to misbehave, she just doesn’t know how to shut the obsessions and anxiety off so that she can obey the rules.

Now onto my title, while I have had my OCD in check and in control for several years, there are times when Sunshine’s OCD interferes with my ability to control mine. A great example to this happened just last night. Yesterday at school Sunshine had to do a walk through for the upcoming fire drill which was suppose to take place today with the fire alarm and all. The idea of a fire drill made he obsess over what the real fire drill would be like with that alarm going off, then the anxiety set in and she took off to the play ground equipment with a red ball in hand. The school staff could not get her to come down, she had found what she considered a safe zone. She was determined to not go back in the building out of fear they would set the fire alarm off. I had to go to the school, the minute Sunshine spotted me, she knew she was safe, but in one last attempt to calm herself down she ran all the way around the entire school until she finally entered the classroom. The final plan we came up with was that I would go to school the next day and stay with her until the fire drill was over. OK I was fine with that no problem.

Come bedtime, my obsessions started in, my thoughts went through so many details of the fire drill and how it would affect Sunshine. It even brought back all the horrible memories I have of the drills during the cold war era where we would be lined up and led to the top of the basement stairs to be informed if this was not a drill we would proceed down stairs into the fallout shelter where there was food and water. We would stay there until we were told it was safe to come out. I don’t know of any of us first graders who didn’t start screaming and crying for our parents at this point. I found myself obsessing over every aspect of this upcoming fire drill and the affects it would have on Sunshine, with great anxiety I could not sleep. I kept waking every hour, looking at the time, tossing and turning, getting out of bed, walking outside, climbing back in bed only to have it start all over. I finally made up my mind that she had been through enough in the last few days and shut off my alarm. Just shutting off the alarm gave me enough relief to go to sleep.

I still could not shake it the next morning, Sunshine was still very concerned, but trying to be brave she said she would go through the fire drill but would come home with me right after. We decided it was too much to soon and called a sick day from school. Ironically though because of the rain we had received and everything being wet, they cancelled the fire drill. Sunshine is still watching the window waiting to see from a distance what the fire drill looks like and though now I am calmed down, I am wondering when they will reschedule the drill for. I have made up my mind to find out and no matter what she will watch the drill from a distance until she is ready to actually go through the fire drill for real. Good thing we live in a house where she can over look, observe from a safe distance and not have to endure the loud noise of the alarm.