Why Me?

I have decided to start this blog to share and educate others about OCD and Anxiety Disorders in children. I have a 6 year old, very bright young lady to whom we will call Sunshine. When did OCD strike her? That is a hard question to answer. I believe there were signs of this monster in her life from day one, from the time she was born, but at that time it was considered more of a sensory issue. It came on quick, we did not understand it at first, and it took us two years to fully put the picture together.

Now let me step back for a moment and tell you my story. At 6 years old I climbed into bed one night and drifted off to sleep. What was to come next impacted me for the rest of my life. I drifted off to sleep only to have my world become over taken by this beast or beasts. I loved car races, and had a race car set that I loved. I suddenly was transported to a real race track, where I sat in the ultimate best race car marked with the number 1. A few laps into the race and I was leading the pack. The race continued, except suddenly I was not alone, though as I looked around I was the only one in the car, but the voices I heard told me that my goal was to win the race, but in winning the race would bring great harm to my family, to lose the race would bring even greater harm to those I held dearly. I couldn’t wake up, the dream went on to the end of the race where yes, I won the race. I finally woke screaming in the early night. My brother came running and hit the bathroom light which was located across the hall from my bedroom, he asked me what was wrong in a panicked tone. All I could tell him, was “The Light, The Light!” which I repeated over and over again. My brother tried to reason with me, but there is no reasoning with OCD or the monster. From that moment on my childhood changed forever. I didn’t lose my drive to finish the race, to finish in first place, or to do my very best at all times, but my world became consumed by this monster that reminded me that by doing so I would bring harm to my family, and to not press forward to be on top would bring even greater harm to those I loved dearly. OCD was the Monster!

Now back to now, when did this Monster enter Sunshine’s life, how did he speak to her, what did he say? these are questions I may never have answers to or she may over time be able to share her story and share what this Monster told her, and continues to tell her daily. In the meantime I am writing about our journey seeking healing, understanding and tools that Sunshine can use to manage or chase this Monster away. Something I didn’t have when I was her age, something that I wish was more understanding about when I was her age instead I was just considered a shy, sacredly cat, little girl, to which no one really even knew or tried to understand the struggles within my brain. 

I will share one sight that has given me the most understanding and the laid the foundation to understand Sunshine and actually be able to relate her experiences with mine. You can find it here. Remember to stay tuned as I return with more information and share more of Sunshine’s story.