OCD in a Nutshell

For those of us caring for our children who are suffering from OCD, our days can be filled with frustration, anger, sadness, to joy. The emotions we feel through the day can swing like a pendulum. We ask constantly what can I do to help my child, what can I do to relieve their pain, to What did I do to cause this? Let me say first and foremost you did nothing to cause this in your child. The mind is a very delicate and confusing wired organ. I believe we all have a form of OCD to an extent, if you stop and look at yourself you can find one thing that just drives you nuts, it is just gross, or if it isn’t done a certain way it just isn’t right. As I look at myself I can count the times that OCD as even affected me on a daily basis. Depending on each person our reactions to this OCD is different. Some just fix the problem and go on with their days, others, may have rituals, from hand washing, to counting trying to make the Obsession better. Why a person reacts the way they do, is complex and a big part of figuring this picture out.

Treatments for OCD can vary from psychologist to psychologist. I know I have talked in a post here about Talking Back To OCD. Some will try diet to treat OCD, while others will use an approach of making the person face their obsessions in an attempt to help them see it is nothing to obsess over. No single treatment is right for every single person. My advice is to go into all treatment with an open mind but also be skeptical, if you are not sure you like what you are seeing do not be afraid to speak up, ask questions or seek a second opinion.


So what have we done? I can not and will not say that our travels with OCD is cured or healed or great, rosy or non bothersome! However, we for the most part understand the triggers now, we understand and know what to expect, the reaction, or the compulsion. We also know before hand from how anxious our daughter is. We do a lot of talking about feelings, she has been able to move from physically becoming ill, to expressing her feelings. We talk about normal and non normal feelings. We try very hard to put into perspective for her that what she might be feeling is a normal feeling. We have even made up words to express our feelings, because with OCD sometimes what they are feeling are numerous feelings at one time. One of our favorite words is nervousanxious, this will be used to express how she feels about trying something new. We always let her know that this is a normal feeling for all of us. It is normal to feel anxious as well as nervous over certain things.


We also refuse to let OCD run our lives. We have very strict rules about things. Sometimes we might ask her to do something that will cause anxiety we realize OCD might take over. At the first sign of argument or her defying what we want, instead of putting her into time out, we put ourselves in time out. We refuse to talk to her, look at her, or listen to her until she calms herself down and does what we expect. Many times she will come out of these periods with hugs, kisses and an acknowledgement that she is the one that deserved the time out. Just because this works for us it doesn’t mean it will work for you, but it is something to think about. Sometimes how we react to their reaction can make it better or worse.


I am sure you all have wondered how do we educate others about our children? How do we get them to understand their OCD? I go into every meeting with a new health care provider, with as much information I can give them from the get go. If I do not feel they are getting it, I go back into the discussion again. Most of what I say is with my child hearing. I might have to make several phone calls, some providers get it and some don’t, those who don’t we just leave and search someone who will. It is wearing and sometimes makes you feel very tired, but I am a firm believer that anyone who provides care for my child better understand and except nobody knows her better then me. I have high expectations of providers, and will only tolerate so many mistakes.

Remember OCD is anxiety driven. We all have felt anxiety, some worse then others, we just need to remember these are children we are dealing with, they are not going to or should they be expected to know how to deal with such intense anxiety. We need to model for them, do yoga with them, breath with them, let them talk, listen and never forget to ask, how do you feel?

When Your Child’s OCD Affects Your Own OCD

First let’s look at OCD, as I shared in my last post OCD starts with a unnecessary or unrealistic fear. We all fear things like germs, or the unknown, but OCD has an unrealistic fear that manifests itself into obsessive thoughts. It is one thing to say, “Wow so and so has the flu, I will stay away to make sure I don’t get the flu too, or I will make sure and disinfect to kill the flu germs.” With OCD though there are no getting rid of the germs, they just stay there, the fear of catching that flu becomes so strong that no matter how many times we disinfect or wash our hands the germs are too much for us to handle. This obsession then brings on anxiety, now we have all experienced anxiety, the funny feeling of butterflies before a new event, or the flutter feeling in the chest before a big test, but with OCD the anxiety becomes so real and so strong one feels they can not breath, they can not dismiss the thoughts, the feelings, sometimes it can make you sick to your stomach, give you a severe headache, or just make you want to run away and hide. In an attempt to get rid of these feelings of anxieties and obsessions of fears, we then cycle into the compulsion stage. Some will have to wash their hands so many times to only turn around and rewash them again. Others will have the compulsion to clean, then clean again. Some compulsions show in the way we organize colors, items, or the tapping of our fingers on a table to the kicking of our leg while we sit in a chair. For some like Sunshine, the compulsions interfere with the way she is able to interact with others, creating what seems like behavioral issues, because the obsessions and anxieties are so strong she is unable to process the normal demands on herself. She doesn’t mean to misbehave, she just doesn’t know how to shut the obsessions and anxiety off so that she can obey the rules.

Now onto my title, while I have had my OCD in check and in control for several years, there are times when Sunshine’s OCD interferes with my ability to control mine. A great example to this happened just last night. Yesterday at school Sunshine had to do a walk through for the upcoming fire drill which was suppose to take place today with the fire alarm and all. The idea of a fire drill made he obsess over what the real fire drill would be like with that alarm going off, then the anxiety set in and she took off to the play ground equipment with a red ball in hand. The school staff could not get her to come down, she had found what she considered a safe zone. She was determined to not go back in the building out of fear they would set the fire alarm off. I had to go to the school, the minute Sunshine spotted me, she knew she was safe, but in one last attempt to calm herself down she ran all the way around the entire school until she finally entered the classroom. The final plan we came up with was that I would go to school the next day and stay with her until the fire drill was over. OK I was fine with that no problem.

Come bedtime, my obsessions started in, my thoughts went through so many details of the fire drill and how it would affect Sunshine. It even brought back all the horrible memories I have of the drills during the cold war era where we would be lined up and led to the top of the basement stairs to be informed if this was not a drill we would proceed down stairs into the fallout shelter where there was food and water. We would stay there until we were told it was safe to come out. I don’t know of any of us first graders who didn’t start screaming and crying for our parents at this point. I found myself obsessing over every aspect of this upcoming fire drill and the affects it would have on Sunshine, with great anxiety I could not sleep. I kept waking every hour, looking at the time, tossing and turning, getting out of bed, walking outside, climbing back in bed only to have it start all over. I finally made up my mind that she had been through enough in the last few days and shut off my alarm. Just shutting off the alarm gave me enough relief to go to sleep.

I still could not shake it the next morning, Sunshine was still very concerned, but trying to be brave she said she would go through the fire drill but would come home with me right after. We decided it was too much to soon and called a sick day from school. Ironically though because of the rain we had received and everything being wet, they cancelled the fire drill. Sunshine is still watching the window waiting to see from a distance what the fire drill looks like and though now I am calmed down, I am wondering when they will reschedule the drill for. I have made up my mind to find out and no matter what she will watch the drill from a distance until she is ready to actually go through the fire drill for real. Good thing we live in a house where she can over look, observe from a safe distance and not have to endure the loud noise of the alarm.